My name is Self-Appointed Expert, and this is my blog. It is part memoir, mostly fiction, and above all just trying to be funny. Some of is based on stuff that happened to me, some is based on stuff that happened to people I know, and a good deal is just entirely made up. So, if you find yourself offended, just remember - it's a joke. When you give me that look, it's a joke. Consider it my homage to the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, A Million Little Pieces, John Hodgman, and Christopher Guest.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Two Things

(1) Ever since they switched servers, hasn't been accessible on Harvard's network. It's driving me fucking nuts - I've been 5 days now without snarky self-and-other-deprecating celebrity gossip. If somebody doesn't do something soon, I may actually have to crack a textbook.

(2) On a lark, I got free tix to see "Wicked" tonight in Boston. The last time I went to an artistic performance like this was seeing "Faust" at the Detroit Metropolitan Opera. To get there, we had to drive around potholes, past about 500 fried chicken fast food restaurants, and through 45 minutes worth of construction detors. Tonight, I'll just be hopping on the red line. Conclusion? Boston : Detroit :: rock : scissors.

Friday, April 28, 2006

2 Chuck Norris Jokes.

Chuck Norris doesn't get tested for AIDS.
AIDS gets tested for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's mom tried to abort him when he was a fetus - but when the doctor stuck the forceps in, Chuck Norris overpowered him with his still-developing, yet incredibly manly fetus arms and instead aborted the doctor.