My name is Self-Appointed Expert, and this is my blog. It is part memoir, mostly fiction, and above all just trying to be funny. Some of is based on stuff that happened to me, some is based on stuff that happened to people I know, and a good deal is just entirely made up. So, if you find yourself offended, just remember - it's a joke. When you give me that look, it's a joke. Consider it my homage to the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, A Million Little Pieces, John Hodgman, and Christopher Guest.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Make new friends, keep the old, or, in our case, just hate everyone all the time.

An email from a friend, describing another friend we both know from HLS:

"you know your girl, [jennifer]? the girl that [we got drinks with]? i can't stand her at all. it might even border on hate. she's the worst, [SEA].

she spoke for half of our [law and economics] class. my new name for her is professor [jennifer]. she clearly thinks she's brighter than everyone else. i just checked my schedule to make sure i don't have any classes with her next semester. if i did, i was fully prepared to drop any or all classes that she might have been in. thank god almighty that i dont have any classes with her after this."

Suffice it to say we didn't come here for the people.

Monday, January 02, 2006

The only time that line has ever made any sense.

At dinner tonight a group of us were complaining about how airlines are starting to charge for everything - headphones, in-flight snacks, and most recently even sodas (on American Airlines, for a dollar/pop). What's next, we wondered, 50 cents for those awful fake-buttery pretzels they replaced peanuts with? No way, we reasoned. If anything, they'd give us extra pretzels for free - and then charge double for the drinks.

And they'd get away with it, too, we concluded. Because THESE PRETZELS ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY!