My name is Self-Appointed Expert, and this is my blog. It is part memoir, mostly fiction, and above all just trying to be funny. Some of is based on stuff that happened to me, some is based on stuff that happened to people I know, and a good deal is just entirely made up. So, if you find yourself offended, just remember - it's a joke. When you give me that look, it's a joke. Consider it my homage to the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, A Million Little Pieces, John Hodgman, and Christopher Guest.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Law Fruits.

I'm writing this post from my blackberry (so forgive any typos, capitalization errors, or delusions of grandeur). Blackberries are very controversial little gadgets. On the one hand, you have virtually unlimited access to your office and personal email accounts, internet, and voice mail. On the other, your office and personal email accounts, internet, and voice mail have virtually unlimited access to you. People call them leashes, or worse, crackberries.

I admit, a lot of people take Blackberries too far. Gyms in New York have divided off "wireless free zones," and for good reason. In the last week, I've been out to lunches on more than a few occasions where attorneys, who are being paid to have lunch with me, their recruit, have punctuated each course by reviewing their inboxes and actually sending and responding to emails between bites. Even worse, a friend of mine today (another summer associate) told me that she had started to experience thumb cramps, a well known precursor to Blackberry-induced claims for worker's comp, after working for her firm for less than two months. And even yours truly found herself whipping out my own little crackberry this weekend at an Indie Rock festival, much to the chagrin and derision of all the little hipster indie rockers and hangers-on around me. (I still maintain it was acceptable to do so, as I was just looking up the band schedule.)

Anyhow, the whole situation got me thinking. About law firm culture, and about fruits. If Blackberries turn into crackberries, just because attorneys don't have the will power to email in moderation, imagine what life will be like when they combine name other addictive status symbols after fruits! Methamphetangerines. Marijuananas. Blowberries.

My theory, as demonstrated by the Blackberry phenomenon, is that naming things after fruits makes lawyers incapable of resisting them - to the point where they are incapable of sleeping, observing basic social graces, or functioning generally without succumbing to their call. It's only a matter of time before we have fruit-inspired names for practice areas. Mangos and Aquisitions. Trusts and Dates. Bankruptcitruses. And, my personal favorite, the Applelate Law/Supreme Corn Practice.

And it'll work, too. Because lord knows that a good fruit name for their practice group is the closest thing any of these attorneys will get to a job that fulfills them in any way.


Blogger BabyBarista said...

Like the blog. I've added a link on my own which is a fictional diary of a pupil barrister in England (see Cross links much appreciated though no worries if not. Best wishes, BabyBarista

3:37 AM


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