My name is Self-Appointed Expert, and this is my blog. It is part memoir, mostly fiction, and above all just trying to be funny. Some of is based on stuff that happened to me, some is based on stuff that happened to people I know, and a good deal is just entirely made up. So, if you find yourself offended, just remember - it's a joke. When you give me that look, it's a joke. Consider it my homage to the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, A Million Little Pieces, John Hodgman, and Christopher Guest.

Monday, July 17, 2006

10 points to the first person to email me with the racial-slur-inspired term Jeremy invented to describe someone who was half-Japanese, half-Jewish.

My friend Jeremy got the short end of the Holocaust stick. Half-Japanese and half-Jewish, Jeremy lost a good portion of his extended family a full generation before he was even born. But genocide/atom bombs aside, Jeremy was still well-connected to his heritage.

The summer after our freshman year Jeremy and I shared an apartment in D.C. Since we'd both lived in the dorms, this was really the first opportunity any of us had to fend for ourselves in the kitchen - so it quickly became a habit of the Harvard kids in the area to convene in each other's apartments to cook and share dinner.

One night a mutual friend was inspired to come over to prepare for us seared salmon with apples and creme fraiche. And by seared I mean raw. And by raw I mean non-sushi grade, raw salmon.

New to the whole fish thing in general, but still experienced to know that there's a difference between shashimi and fish sticks, I was a little nervous when my entree came out. I asked the mutual friend to cook mine a little more.

Jeremy would have nothing of it. "My people have been eating raw salmon for thousands of years!" And with that, he grabbed his spoon, picked up the yet-to-be-seared raw salmon (still in the styrofoam tray), scooped up about a third of the meat, and popped it into his mouth.

"Now that's a nice piece of fish."

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