My name is Self-Appointed Expert, and this is my blog. It is part memoir, mostly fiction, and above all just trying to be funny. Some of is based on stuff that happened to me, some is based on stuff that happened to people I know, and a good deal is just entirely made up. So, if you find yourself offended, just remember - it's a joke. When you give me that look, it's a joke. Consider it my homage to the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, A Million Little Pieces, John Hodgman, and Christopher Guest.

Monday, June 12, 2006

No Pepsi Contracts for Inner Beauty.

I realized something today. Something disturbing. I was standing on line at the supermarket, next to my cart full of all the fresh vegetables and vitamins I planned to fill my body with, idly glancing at the racks of junk news I was doing my best not to fill my head with. News about who Nick Lachay is dating and who has the best boobs in Hollywood and what jeans look good on what types of butts and all the other great divisive issues of our times, and all of a sudden it came to me.

Britney Spears is hotter than me.

I wanted to die.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you seen Britney Spears lately? I've never met you, but I can safely guess that you are hotter than she is.

6:32 PM

Blogger Joe said...

Dude here's the thing: Britney is professionally hot. With no discernible talent, her career has been based on hotness. You're only hot in your spare time, so how could you keep up even if you wanted to? Using that same logic, of course you're a better kidnapper and seal-clubber than she is.

Plus, what anonymous said.

12:23 AM


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