My name is Self-Appointed Expert, and this is my blog. It is part memoir, mostly fiction, and above all just trying to be funny. Some of is based on stuff that happened to me, some is based on stuff that happened to people I know, and a good deal is just entirely made up. So, if you find yourself offended, just remember - it's a joke. When you give me that look, it's a joke. Consider it my homage to the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, A Million Little Pieces, John Hodgman, and Christopher Guest.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Just Like I Did With Old Yellar

So, I went over to Jimmy's "house" this weekend, and we had a long conversation about the benefits of supply side economics that, I have to say, really got me thinking. In the end, though, like most liberals who briefly flirt with conservatism only to come running back to the left, I just couldn't take the smell. I broke up with him in a note written on the back of a discarded Dunkin Donuts wrapper that I found on the ground under a pile of used syringes. It was sort of passive of me, I admit. He can't read, after all.

Anyway, the good new is that as I was walking home, I stopped a bar for a post-break up pick-me-up and ended up picking up a new guy. He's great. A little short for me, though. He stands about mid-waist on me, so I guess heels are out. And his nose is sortof - big. Not that that's usually a problem for me (I'm Catholic, but I've had as much Jew in me as Kesher Israel), but this schnoz is worse than usual - it's big and black and wet, too. Ok, I'll just come out and say it. I'm dating Brian Griffin.

Apart from being a "cartoon character" and a "dog," he's everything I've ever wanted in a man. He's well-read, hates children, liberal, witty, and above all: house trained. (Which is more than I can say for the last guy I dated!) (Although I suppose it's hard to be house trained if you don't have a house.) All in all, I'd say he's a keeper.

Plus, if things turn out badly, I can always put him to sleep.


Blogger Anna said...

Be careful, I had a one night stand with him. I mean, I was standing there one night and he kept humping my leg. It was cool though, better than some other dudes I have had hump my leg. So I suppose I shouldn't complain.

8:35 PM


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