My name is Self-Appointed Expert, and this is my blog. It is part memoir, mostly fiction, and above all just trying to be funny. Some of is based on stuff that happened to me, some is based on stuff that happened to people I know, and a good deal is just entirely made up. So, if you find yourself offended, just remember - it's a joke. When you give me that look, it's a joke. Consider it my homage to the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, A Million Little Pieces, John Hodgman, and Christopher Guest.

Monday, May 22, 2006

The First Day on the Job: A Note From My Secretary

The last batch of the new summer associates arrived today. As a group, they were pretty standard fare: dark suits, white skin, a vague sense of entitlement oddly coupled with crippling self-doubt. The girls and I managed to get a pretty good view of the new crew when a couple of younger associates took them on a tour around the office, parading them through the hallways like a covey of bewildered and bored looking baby ducklings. As they passed by, I took a moment from proofreading my partner's brief (i.e., translating it into English) and gossiping about Elliott Yamin to try and get a game of "screw, marry, or kill" going with the other secretaries - but let's just say that with this bunch, it was a losing game. Ooof. I think one of them might be related to Humpty Dumpty.

The thing is, when you're a successful legal secretary in a top-100 law firm like I am, it's always really awkward to have to meet the summer associate you've been assigned to work with. It's one of those rare moments in life when two professionals can encounter each other, have them both assume that the other professional is a complete idiot who is totally below their station in life, and have them both be entirely confident in their assumptions.

So, most of the time, I choose not to introduce myself at all. The way I see it, if they're big and smart and fancy enough to get into a top-tier law school, they're big and smart and fancy enough to find my desk and initiate a normal human interaction with me.

I am, without fail, always disappointed.


Blogger kayellbee said...

Mwahahaha. I can't wait to hear more about this...

2:20 PM

Blogger Synonymous said...

Me too.

5:07 PM


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